A snippet of my life. (What a stupid word.)
I sit at the desk I bought for $60 because it was the cheapest and assembled with only half of the required hardware because it was not included and also because I am not quite the handyman I would like to be. I sit in my $30 chair from Walmart, which exists in literally the same exact universe as the desk. The fabric which lines my chair cushion is a cheap sort of of suede knock-off, which leave a perfect impression of my ass cheeks whenever I stand up. At some point I will fall on my ass, let out a giant sigh, and throw this chair into the middle of the street. Right now I am calmed by the candle my lovely girlfriend bought me, which is called “Caribbean Market,” and I wonder if its creators have ever been outside of Minnesota, or wherever they come from. I am also calmed by a couple of beers from after work today. Also by some pot, which creates a much better effect knowing that I bought an ounce for only $50 – a huge discount that gets me higher than the drug, sometimes.
I type on my $200 Windows laptop, which basically runs on a small memory card I had to put in because the computer is cheap and would crash every time I went to write something. I have a backpack, which is one of my most used items. It is black and I bought it on eBay for close to $10 and then waited two months for it to ship from China. When the zipper broke days later, I refused to buy another, as the whole point in having this one is in the price I paid for it. By now, my girlfriend has sewn in a patch from our trip to New Mexico on the left. On the right is a pin from Melanie Martinez, a pop artist whom I admire. The backpack has two more of her pins, and it is held together at the top by a zip-tie. It used to be a knot that I sewed into the backpack to replace the zipper, but I broke that as well. During a panic attack, I also ripped the front pocket off to get to my anti-anxiety medication. If this backpack can be sewn together again, so can I. Or something like that? Sew can I. haha.
Lately, I listen to bands I grew up with like Catch-22 and NoFx and Against Me!, but I will listen to a lot of different things. Not anything, though. No one on Earth listens to everything. I have always adored music, but I listen to podcasts and audiobooks more than anything else these days.
I have worked at the liquor store at which I am now a “beer manager” for about two years. In that time, the last beer manager was arrested for stealing upwards of $100k from the owners. One-hundred thousand dollars. At a liquor store! I really do love the owners that I work for – one Indian woman and one from Wyoming, who were both thrust into the business at the will of their husbands – but sometimes I’m grateful for the last beer manager making such a mess of things and acting like such a terrible person. It makes things much easier for me now, as my basic job is just to order things and then not steal them.
I dropped out of my local community college this semester, because I have genuinely not learned anything in the couple of years that I have spent there. This is not to say that the teachers are unintelligent, but that they seem to hate teaching. In every class I had this semester, all of my teachers took the role of arbitrator, telling the class to talk about something while they would pop in and out with the “correct answers.” I’d rather someone just actually teach me, and so I have been collecting the (not to advertise) Great Courses audiobooks. I can have a trained, more sophisticated professor with better credentials talk at me for like, $30 a semester. Too bad it won’t matter in any part of the real world, but a girl can dream.
If you forced me to make a plan for my life – and I’m pretty sure you’d have to force me – it would be to fix my garbage car and buy a conversion van with my girlfriend, where we can realistically pay around $75 a month for rent and actually do things and be happy. But if you told me that I’d be stuck in this basement with spiders, and terrible neighbors, and no running car for years, I’d still be by her side.